Did you watch the VMAs?

I know I'm kind of late with my post-VMAs coverage, so we'll just call this my post-post VMAs coverage, hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.


I didn't actually watch the show because I'm above watching that sort of thing (but not above blogging about it, amirite?!?) but I can pretty much piece together what went down from the Internet buzz. Apparently Taylor Swift got all "Lith Fair" and decided to sing a serious song about last year's incident with Kanye West. Instead of treating it as the joke it is, she got serious and came up with some song that made it seem like Kanye ran up on stage and raped her. Whereas last year Taylor got a lot of sympathy from stupid people and pre-teens, this year the majority of folks were just like "Bitch, are you serious with this shit? C'mon, son." That should have been the reaction to the whole thing last year, but like I said, people generally tend to be idiots.

Some chick named Chelsea Handler "hosted" the show and I'm not sure if she bombed or not. I read some things online from people who thought she was a bit out of line with some of her racial humor and I guess Sarah Silverman turned down MTV to host because isn't that her shtick? Saying really racist shit but with that "Haha, I'm just kidding, it's satire" defense? If the consensus is that Chelsea Handler bombed, I guess some people could just point to that and say "See, I told you women aren't funny!". But that's unfair because it is MTV and MTV is lame as fuck, and that lameness rubs off on everyone who comes into contact with MTV, especially the people who agree to host its award shows. Funny or not, she's hot and I'd totally hit that, which at the end of the day is all that matters.

The biggest moment of the show however was Lady Gaga. Not the fact that she won every single award, but that she wore a dress made out of meat. At first I was like, whatever, it's Lady Gaga she's an "artists" and is like, s0 random. The next day however, I read that her dress was suppose to "mean something", I'm not going to find the article with actual quotes, but I'll paraphrase. Basically she said the meat dress represented "human rights" and if we don't speak up for our rights, we're no more than the meat that hangs from our bones. And I was just like, yeah, whatever the fuck THAT means Gaga. She also mentioned something about gay soldiers and how the dress was for them too, blah blah blah. Listen Gaga, if you want to throw on a meat dress because you're a wacky bitch who loves attention then cool, just say that. But don't insult my intelligence and pull some lame, head-scratching rationale about how the dress symbolizes something out of your ass and expect me to take it at face value. That's not cool and it's not O.K.

All and all another mediocre clusterfuck being passed off as entertainment by MTV which only reinforces the fact Lady Gaga is an annoying attention whore who's BFFs with Perez Hilton. WHATEVER.

Is Lady Gaga always "in character"?

I've been sitting here thinking a lot about Lady Gaga and how quirky and genius-y she is. I started to wonder how she acted when she wasn't in the public eye and you know, just at home in her mansion chilling, surfing the Internet or whatever. Does someone like Lady Gaga even do things like chill and surf the net? Or is she constantly thinking outside the box and acting wacky and artsy? Does she ever just wear some sweats and a comfy old sweater around the house, or is she always decked out in some elaborate costume that challenges our preconceived notions about what "fashion is"? Is Lady Gaga like a comedian who is always on and being funny? Or, like said comedian, is being funny 24/7 who she really is? Is being a set piece for a really pretentious play all day everyday who Lady Gaga really is? Maybe at one point the lines blurred and she forgot how to be a normal, well adjusted person and the Lady Gaga persona just took over entirely.


I'm worried Lady Gaga's grace period may be over and her honeymoon with the public might be ending. I've read some articles about how people are fucking tired of her bullshit and famous Jewish comedian Jerry Seinfeld even came out and said he "hated her fucking guts and hopes she trips on her absurd, impractical footwear and breaks her goddamn neck and dies." (direct quote) It's like, wow, what's the deal with that? (hehehe) Gags, better be careful, there's this new chick in town who appears to be moving in on her territory named Christina Aguilera. Like Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera is all about weird-ass costumes, shitty Euro dance music and being sexually explicit, as shown here in this music video.


It looks to me like she out "Gaga'ed" Gaga. If I'm Lady Gaga's PR team I'm calling an emergency meeting and brainstorming some ideas to withstand this backlash/competition. I'm thinking maybe we go the "Kiss route" ala when they appeared on national TV sans their makeup. I suggest to Gaga she ditch the gimmicky costumes and just do a concert as Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (her real person name). This shows people, "Hey, I'm not just some freak show who needs attention, I'm an actual human being with something viable to say musically." Maybe she releases an acoustic album that gets sold in Starbucks, kind of like Norah Jones. I don't know, but what I do know is, she has to start thinking about reinventing herself, like Madonna did eighty years ago, or at the very least appearing fully naked, legs spread wide in Penthouse or something.

Lady GaGa will figure prominently in this post.

First, it's good to be back. I've been toiling away on Tumblr the last few months posting black and white pictures of beautiful things and quoting really poignant and meaningful movies. But I'm back now, ready to be irreverent and snarky again.

This post will shit on talk about the music video that has Twitter/the entire world abuzz, Lady GaGa's nine minute magnum opus Telephone, featuring The 'Yonce.


My first reaction after watching was "Does Quentin Tarantino know about this?" and my second reaction was "This song kind of sucks, why's it get a nine minute video?" and my third and final reaction was "Women's prisons are just as hot as Cinemax advertised, ass cheeks!" Now, I'm not the most cultured or smartest guy around, so maybe I just don't "get" this video or Lady GaGa's whole shtick in general, but I find myself asking "What's the big fucking deal?" Why is she viewed as this genius who isn't afraid to "push the envelope" and "go there"? Is it because she wears soda cans in her hair? Because she owns a pair of cigarette sun glasses? Because she "goes both ways" when it comes to coming? Do all those things warrant the critical and commercial accolades heaped upon Gags? Didn't Madonna do all of this shit like 60 years ago? I don't know, you tell me. Like I said, I might not be smart enough or artistically inclined enough to understand.

What's Lady Gaga's music about anyway? I'm so morbidly fascinated with her bizarre uniforms and her visual presentation that I haven't had time to actually listen to the lyrics. Does she just sing about dancing and getting fucked up at the club and making out with men and women, or do some of her songs "say something" about American society or, like, Africa? Sometimes I get the feeling she's an American version of Bjork, but somehow lacking any substance. But I can't really stand behind this theory 100 percent because I'm not sure if Bjork is a "credible artist" herself or just a sideshow attraction. Anyway, I think the real point here is, unless your name is Michael Jackson, you really have no business making a music video exceeding five minutes. The man's only been dead a few months, let the body at least get cold first, Jesus.