"Baby on board"? I don't give a shit.

Please stand by for a "rant":


I've always been confused when I see motor vehicles displaying this sticker:


I'm sure everyone has seen at least one while driving and probably never even gave it a second thought, which kind of defeats the purpose of even having the sticker in the first place. Obviously the people who utilize them want other motorists to be aware of the "precious cargo" in their cars, but why do they feel this is necessary? Are they simply bragging that they have indeed successfully "fucked" and produced a child and that said child is now safely strapped in its baby seat on the way to the park/doctor/Disney on Ice? Nobody likes a braggart and being able to shit out a kid is no major accomplishment, even the lowest forms of life can do that (see:unwed teenage mothers and Nicole Richie).




I think the real reason for the Baby on board sticker is to "warn" other vehicles to drive extra cautiously because there is a child in the car. But even that doesn't really "cut any ice" with me. I don't know about you, but I find it insulting these breeding assholes assume I'm a horrible driver when I'm not alerted to the presence of a child by a piece of laminated plastic stuck to a rear window. What nerve these smug sonsofbitches must have. What, do they just take it for granted I'm some psychopath who would attempt to run them off the road if it weren't for the sticker? Do they think I have some mental affliction where I wouldn't hesitate to do some outlandish/potentially dangerous shit while behind the wheel of my car if not for that one saving grace, a Baby on board sticker? Fuck them. Fuck them and their spawn, OK?


Newsflash dickheads, no one gives a fuck about you, your baby or your sticker. If it's my whim to do so I will endanger your safety on the open road, sticker or no sticker, that's life. That's how the cookie crumbles. DEAL WITH IT.

END OF RANT.

Top 10 Box Office "reviews".

In this segment of the blog I will list the top ten movies in this week's box office and "review" them. Translation: I will "shit on" the top ten box office movies in a flippant, smug manner, possibly out of jealously for not being talented enough to write/direct/act in even the shittest of films. (Disclaimer: I have not actually seen any of the following movies.)

Couples Retreat- This movie reminds me of "Wedding Crashers", except there's no wedding. Vince Vaughn is one of my favorite actors/guys who play themselves in movies, despite the fact he's a republican. I wish him no ill will personally, but this film is pretty awful.

Zombieland- Remember that post I did about Jesse Eisenberg out Michael Cera-ing Michael Cera? You don't? You're new to this blog? What? Oh, you stumbled upon it by mistake searching for amateur pornography? It happens. Anyway, Zombieland seems like an Americanized version of "Shaun Of The Dead" sans Simon Pegg and the "British" humor I hear so much about. Instead we get pot-loving Woody Harrelson and the nebish Eisenberg. I would probably watch this movie if someone else was paying for my ticket and I was allowed to use both cup holders, one for my 64 ounce Dr. Pepper and the other to rest my arm.

Cloudy With a Chance Of Meatballs- This is a "3D animated" film based off of a children's book, but it's accessible for "adults too". I'd rather just watch the original "Shrek" for free and relive the "glory days" of Mike Myers before "The Love Guru" killed a little bit of everyone's spirit.

Paranormal Activity- I'm thinking this movie is kind of like the "Blair Witch Project" for the Twitter generation. A low budget horror film that gains momentum by word of mouth and effective PR gimmicks (accounts of people fainting/vomiting in the theaters because the movie is sooo scary.)While I didn't hate the Blair Witch Project, and actually found the ending to be a bit unnerving and sorta worth the four hours of improvisation, I wouldn't shell out the twenty dollars to see it in theaters, same goes for Paranormal Activity. (Movies cost twenty dollars now, right?)

Toy Story/Toy Story 2- I don't understand this 3D shit. Wasn't "Toy Story" already in "3D"? I think I might "hate" people who go see this movie and that worries me. :(

Surrogates- I think this is just "I am Robot/Minority Report" with Bruce Willis. Another republican who is "aight" in my book, sometimes.

The Invention of Lying- The guy who created the original Office is in this and like the original Office, I would probably have a hard time enjoying this film because I wouldn't be able to discern what the characters are saying/"get" the sophisticated humor that the Brits pride themselves on. I'm just not that smart. :(

Whip It- Juno and Drew Barrymore are in this. It's about an all girls roller derby league. Sounds kind of "sexy", but is it sexy enough to spend my "hard earned" money to see? No.

Capitalism: A Love Story- Let me sum this movie up for you in one sentence: "America is bad/has a lot of "issues", boo America!"

Fame- The Television show looked like it sucked a copious amount of ass, same can be said for the movie. The only reason it even made the top ten is because people are still very much in love with this whole "80s nostalgia" bullshit fad. PLUS, WHO COULD RESIST THE LEG WARMERS???!!!!

Mission Statement .

First and foremost, we here at Perpetual Adolescent Funk are here for you, the reader. We want to make your blog experience the best one possible, that is why we have dedicated ourselves to learning and mastering the art of "HTML" and "Adobe Photoshop 6" (we are too lazy to download the latest version.) We will provide you not only with insightful and poignant posts, but also with visually pleasing images and large bold letters engulfed in flames. Because we believe in a "Do it yourself" approach and do not have the necessary funds to enroll in a community college, things in the beginning may seem amateurish and overall shitty. We implore you to grit it out with us. Stumble along with us in our infancy as we slowly but surely climb the proverbial ladder into the upper echelons of blogs until we are seated comfortably on top and crowned "The King of The Blogs." How sweet it will be for you, dear reader, when you can say to your Johnny-come-lately friends, "I knew about Perpetual Adolescent Funk BEFORE it got popular and become a parody of itself!"