Thursday, July 8, 2010

This is a post about fat people.

I was fucking around on Tumblr, shifting through all of the memes and pictures of gnarled tree breaches with really meaningful text written over them in Helvetica font when I came across this photo of Beth Ditto.

Beth Ditto is the lead singer of The Gossip, some hipster r&b, rock 'n roll group. As you can clearly see, Beth is fat. Perhaps even obese. Please note the excessive cottage cheese on her thighs. I know this is the 21st century and I'm suppose to keep it PC and be all enlightened and shit and say "Big girl, you're beautiful" or whatever, but I'm not going to. No, let's "keep it real" you guys. This shit is disgusting. There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, attractive about this picture or this woman (besides her haircut maybe.) I'm all for having a positive body image and being comfortable in your skin, but there's a line.

Even though I usually change the station when my TV starts bitching and moaning about obesity running rampant in America, I think they might have a point. And I don't mean from a health perspective, I mean strictly from a cosmetic perspective. If you're a female, why would you allow yourself to get as big as Beth Ditto, like, seriously. Why? You'll never get laid. I mean, OK, maybe fat dudes would want a piece of that never-ending ass, or guys filled up with so much booze they don't really care what happens to their penis, but come on. You should aim higher than that. Ladies, you need to love yourself first before an attractive man will, and that means not having gross cottage cheese thighs.

When I see a picture like this of someone Beth Ditto's size prancing around on stage, all secure and happy with their unhealthy waist size, I get sad. Then I get kind of pissed off. Kids will see images like this and think it's OK to be fucking huge, and that creates a whole new generations of whales walking around with an unwarranted sense of self-importance/confidence. I've noticed there are a lot of fat women on Twitter who fancy themselves "sex kittens" or something. They think just because they have size G breasts due to excessive lard content in their body they can tweet sexually suggestive things and post "sexy" pics of themselves via Twitpic. Women like this are under the delusion of being "thick", when in reality, they are morbidly obese and gross. If it weren't so sad/perverse, I'd find it funny. But it's not funny, it's tragic.

What's even more tragic is the emergence of websites/pornography dedicated to fat women. So-called "chubby chasers" are just exacerbating the problem by letting these women think it's OK to eat ten large meals a day and still be considered sexy/fuckable. It's not cool, bro. Not at all. The bottom line is, if you're fat, OK, whatever, but don't "show off" your rolls like it's a major turn on for normal, well-adjusted men. Just sit quietly in the back of McDonald's and eat your five Big Macs, fifty piece nuggets and bag full of fries then keep it moving. Don't get up and do a strip tease, or smack your belly and watch it jiggle. It's not sexy and it's not OK.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Is it time to forgive Chris Brown?

As most of you know, Chris Brown, the once reigning king of tween pop, performed a tribute to the now deceased King of Pop, Michael Jackson, during the BET music awards. Last year he was suppose to do a tribute, but Jay-Z wouldn't let him because I think Jigga Man acts as some sort of elder statesman of black popular music. Anyhow, during the tribute Breezy got embarrassingly emotional and broke down in tears like a little bitch.


This seemingly spontaneous display of emotion sent the Internet all aflutter and temporarily crashed Twitter. People in real life and in the digital world were divided as to whether or not Chris Brown was sincere and truly mourning the passing of the now most beloved man who ever lived, Michael Jackson, or simply using this as an opportunity to get back in the spotlight and sell more CDs. I read a lot of Tweets that proclaimed "Breezy was back!" and that he would snatch the crown away from Justin Beaver as the greatest teenage heartthrob of all time. Were Brown's tears, sincere or otherwise, really enough though? If you recall, the reason he was "black listed" in the first place was for beating the living shit out of Rihanna last year and giving light-skinned black men everywhere a bad name.


Are we really ready to forgive someone who batters women for shits and giggles and give them a second chance? I think it's kind of bizarre that people are more willing to forgive Chris Brown then they are someone like Tiger Woods, who really didn't do anything "wrong" besides step out on his wife and fuck some other white women. If we forgive Chris Brown but still treat Tiger like he's some sort of scumbag, are we saying it's "OK" to rough up chicks, but dipping your penis into some skag who isn't your wife/girlfriend is totally not cool? What kind of message does that send to the children who are more impressionable/autistic than ever?

Anyway, did you watch the BET music awards, or is that not really your scene (you know, being non-black and all.) What was up with all those different crazy-ass bag ladies who crashed the stage and butchered all those Prince songs?




I think one thing we can all agree on is, even at the age of 78, Prince is still a very sexy motherfucker, right?