(Damn, I can't believe I went there.)But what do I know, like I said, I haven't been to "the theater" in like, forever. Fortunately that minor detail won't prevent me from reviewing the top ten grossing movies in the box office this week, or last week or whatever week this is. I'm not sure anymore, I have a substance abuse problem. LET'S GO!
Avatar- I really don't know what to say about this movie. I've seen the previews, I've read the rave reviews and I'm following relevant celebs on twitter who vouch for it, but shit. I just don't have any desire to watch this. Plus, I think it's one of those movies that try and subtlety throw in some kind of message about how humans are scum and are destroying the earth or some bullshit like that. WHATEVER Al Gore.
Sherlock Holmes- You know, for all intent and purposes, Robert Downey Jr. should be dead right now, or at the very least appearing alongside Gary Busey in some shitty B movie cop drama that goes straight to DVD/the bargain bin at Wal-Mart. But no, he's conquered his demons and is really making good over there in Hollywood. However, I think the only way I'd even remotely consider seeing this movie is if Gary Busey played Watson.
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel- I really don't have to say anything about this one, it speaks for itself.
Daybreakers- OKAY, let me get this straight: this movie is about vampires, but it's not a love story with a Mormon abstinence message undertone and sparkly bloodsuckers? Haha, yeah right, and there was a sixth Rocky film! Psh, you must think I'm stupid!
It's Complicated- No, it's not really. It's rather simple, Alec Baldwin will never turn down any role. Ever.
Leap Year- This movie is weird. It seems like it only exists to exist. Like someone just said "Hey, I think we should do a movie with Amy Adams just for the fuck of it." and whoever green lights these pieces of shit was like "Sure, what the hell. Just throw something together and we'll start shooting right away. Fuck it." Then again I think I just described 80% of all movies but OMG Amy Adams is so adorable though!!!!
The Blindside- WTF? This is still in theaters? Damn, I guess people really do love "feel-good" movies. Haha, people are so stupid! Except for me of course, I have a blog.
Up In The Air- Ugh.
Youth in Revolt- In which Michael Cera stretches himself as an actor and plays Michael Cera playing Michael Cera as a little bit of a douche. So just Michael Cera. Haha, just kidding, I read he's very sweet in real life and likes to play the guitar.
The Princess and the Frog- Oh my God! A Disney animated movie with black people as the main characters?! Walt Disney's cryogenically frozen body is turning in its, um, meat locker right now! I like how the movie is set in 1920's New Orleans and there's probably nary a mention of, I don't know, the rampant racism that was common during that time (AKA The Shawshank Redemption syndrome.) Haha, I love fairy tales.
Looks like it's been a good year for movies thus far. I look forward to critiquing more in the near future. Until then, I leave you with this:
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