Final Destination IRL.

Unless you live under a rock or don't have a "Twitter" account, you're very much aware of the rash of celebrity deaths this year. While me, myself, personally, myself, I, don't subscribe to any kind of religious beliefs, I am quite superstitious and I'm of the opinion "Death" has it out for any and all celebrities. He (Death) made it clear that fateful week in June when he claimed not only Michael Jackson, but also Billy Mays, that he was not discriminating when it came to who he chose to drag back to Hell with him. No one is safe. This "conspiracy" reaches as high as the King of Pop and as low as Jessica Simpson's dog. That's why if I were some C or D list celebrity, such as Paris Hilton, Ray-J, those old bitches on The View, Flava Flav, I would be extra careful. I would watch what I ate, what I drank, who I associated with and always, ALWAYS wear my seat belt.




This brings me to the main point of this post. Today Conan O'Brien was injured while filming a segment for his show. Miraculously, he did not die. However, I firmly believe this is only because he, being the funniest man on late night television, somehow outwitted Death and narrowly escaped becoming his next victim. If you've seen any of the eighteen Final Destination movies you already know that it's only a matter of time before Death comes back for Conan.


It could be while he's shaving in the morning and through some seemingly "random" tragic accident end up slitting his own throat. Or maybe he'll get on a roller coaster that just arbitrarily "decides" to malfunction, sending the red-headed funnyman to a grisly, cinematic demise.



I also feel that because he was outfoxed by Conan, Death will be extra diligent and vengeful and we'll see a whole slew of celebrities kneeling over in the weeks to come as a sort of "pay back" for being made to look like a jackass.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those sick fucks who starts "Celebrity Death" pools at work and gets some kind of perverse (and financial) satisfaction from seeing our most beloved entertainers expire. I want Conan to live forever. I want all celebrities except for those with reality shows on VH1 to outlive all us normal people. I just feel that this is not a good year to be famous. I feel once Death has marked you, all you can do is sit and wait for "it" to happen. Conan got lucky this time, but will he be so lucky next time? We can only hope. Death is, as they say, a (sunuva) bitch.