This is a post about child birth.

Child birth is a disgusting and unnatural phenomenon, like shitting or voting republican. I know that a man has to put his penis into a woman's vagina and ejaculate his sea-men into her stomach to sustain the human race, but I find it odd scientist haven't developed a new, less icky way to populate the species. Every year a new high tech phone and video game console is unveiled, yet people are still going about procreation the same way they have for trillions of years (thousands if you subscribe to the beliefs in the popular best selling novel The Bible)I'm of the belief we need to get our priorities straight and brainstorm methods to produce kids that aren't as archaic and primitive as traditional child birth.


It's insulting to me as a human being that lesser creatures such as Starfish and worms can continue their species through magic and natural selection. I read in my 5th grade science book that these animals simply decide they want a baby and poof! they have a baby. No nine months of carrying another "thing" inside your stomach. No "morning sickness" or weird food cravings. At times I find myself questioning my faith, when God made us in His image, yet blessed starfish and lowly earth worms with the ability to get pregnant without actually "getting pregnant." I guess He really does work in totally random mysterious ways.


Obviously not everyone agrees with my views on child birth. Media creations Jon and Kate clearly enjoy(ed) "getting down 'old school'" when it came to making babies.


Since I get all my news from "Twitter", it seems like Jon & Kate separating is a big deal. Even CNN's Larry King and the dashing homosexual Anderson Cooper devoted time on their respective shows to "discuss" this relevant piece of news. It's probably such a hot topic because of all of those kids. I think people are grossed out/intrigued by the fact this couple willingly accepted eight children into their lives. Any rational person would think to eliminate at least three of them, but they decided to keep the whole bunch. If this were the "olden times", back before birth control and women's rights, I could understand shitting out eight kids. But in the 21st century it's just puzzling and perverse.


I predict that Jon will become fat and unpleasant to look at over time, much like Britteny Spear's baby's daddy K-Fed. He'll probably struggle to pay child support after his fifteen minutes of fame are up and resort to parodying himself in a commercial that will run during the Super Bowl. Then he might "kill himself" and become a trending topic on Twitter for a few days before vanishing into obscurity forever.


As for Kate and the children, I think the pressure of raising all those little bastards on her own will eventually catch up to her and she'll either drown them all in a bathtub and claim "Jesus" told her to do it, or auction them all off to famous motion picture entity Brangelina or the ancient Jewish gypsy minstrel Madonna for money to pay the mortgage or whatever it is adults with responsibilities do.



In summation, don't bother having kids. The world is going to end in three years anyway, remember?